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A Guest Blogger Against Guest Blogging
First, an admission: Guest bloggers suck. For any regular blog reader, clicking on one of your bookmarked sites only to find that its writer has needlessly -- selfishly -- traitorously! -- decided to take a vacation is like showing up at a restaurant to order your favorite meal only to find that the dish has been taken off the menu. Sure, seared tuna with wasabi-butter sauce might be tasty, but it was the meatloaf you were jonesing for. (Yes, I realize that I just compared Joel to yesterday's reheated beef dish, but trust me: Where I come from, that's a compliment.)
Well, believe or not, it's happening to you today. Joel "Benedict Arnold" Achenbach has left the building, possibly even the District. He's gone. Probably to a beach somewhere. Most likely in France.
So you're left with me, Rob Anderson, proprietor of another washingtonpost.com blog called The Editorialist. I'll be holding down the fort today and tomorrow. Relevant info: I spend the majority of my day trolling Web sites; I work from home, sometimes wearing pants, oftentimes not; I was, at one point, Joel's student at Georgetown University. My work has been featured on the Achenblog before. If need be, you can reach me here.
So here we are, you and me, stuck in the monotony of our regular 9-to-5's as Joel the Jetsetter cavorts somewhere along the Riviera. Let's discuss the predicament in which he's left us:
You don't want your days' guilty pleasures to be tampered with, whether it's that first sip of Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee in the morning or the Web sites you read while you're supposed to be working all day. Happening upon a guest blogger sours your routine. It's like discovering too much melted ice in that coffee. (Sidenote: I just discovered that Dunkin' Donuts has an entire Web site dedicated to its iced coffee. It says the coffee can't get watered down because they "double brew" it, whatever that means. Yeah, and I "double brewed" that analogy, too.)
But it's not just that guest bloggers disrupt your routine. We commit an even graver sin: The very idea of a "guest" blogger undermines everything a "regular" blogger should be. A great blogger is the opposite of a guest -- he is a host opening up the inner workings of his brain. Blog posts usually have little in common with polished, well argued pieces of journalism like this -- and that's exactly why we love them. They are often raw, logically inconsistent and candid. We disagree with them. We scoff at them. We find typos in tehm. While editorial pages are stiff, blogs are pliable. While news stories strive to be impersonal, blogs don't.
Which brings us back to the guest blogger. Readers are right to be skeptical. After spending so many days learning the ins and outs of one blogger's brain, and liking what you've discovered, why would you want to go for an abridged tour through someone else's head? Is it even worth it?
So I offer my sincerest apologies to the boodle -- if I may be so bold as to use that term -- and my harshest criticisms of Joel. I feel your pain, readers, and I'll do my best to alleviate it. If only Joel cared half as much.
-- Rob Anderson
Name: SyroBro